1930s' comedy double act Clapham & Dwyer's cockney alphabet, slightly updated...
* Dwyer, the one who kept trying to be sensible was the fat one. Clapham, the 'silly ass' who could never find the right word at the right time, was the thin one. Yhey were the original radio comedy double act and the first broadcasters to fall foul of the BBC censor.
A for 'orses (hay for horses), B for mutton (beef or mutton)
C for miles (see for miles), D for 'cate (defecate)
E for Adam (Eve or Adam), F for 'vescence (effervescence)
G for police (Chief of police), H for consent (age for consent)
I for Novello (Ivor Novello), J for oranges (Jaffa oranges)
K for 'teria (cafeteria), L for leather (Hell for leather)
M for 'sis (emphasis), N for 'lope (envelope)
O for the wings of a dove (oh, for the wings of a dove)
P for relief (pee for relief), Q for a song (cue for a song)
R for mo' (half a mo'), S for you (it's for you)
T for two (tea for two), U for me (you for me) - and me for you...
V for La France (Vive La France), W for quits (double you for quits)
X for breakfast (eggs for breakfast), Y for girlfriend (wife, or girlfriend?), Z for breezes (zephyr breezes)
